Your protest moves
When the alarm goes off, everyone has their moves: things we do to force closeness back. They usually backfire, and we usually do them anyway. Today you name yours.
Protest behaviour
Bowlby noticed that young children separated from a parent protest: crying, searching, clinging. Adults do it too, in adult ways. Double texting. Going cold to make them notice. Checking their online status. Starting a fight so at least there is contact. Threatening to leave, hoping to be stopped.
The logic is the same as the child's: get their attention, get them back. The problem is that most adult protest moves push people away, which sets the alarm off harder, which produces more protest.
Amir Levine and Rachel Heller popularised the term protest behaviour for adults in their book Attached. Naming your own moves is the first step, because you cannot choose a different response to something you do automatically.
Which of these do you do when the alarm goes off?
Pick the move you use most. The last time you used it, what did you want to happen, and what actually happened?
Take this with you
Every protest move is a way of saying "please don't leave". There are clearer ways to say it.