The one-sided signs
No friendship is perfectly even. Some are so uneven that you are carrying it alone. Today you learn the signs.
Even over time, not every day
Healthy friendships are not scorecards. One person leans on the other through a divorce, and a year later it flips. What matters is that it evens out over time.
A one-sided friendship does not even out. You always initiate. You always listen. Your news gets a quick "aw" before the conversation swings back to them. When you needed them, they were busy.
The sociologist Alvin Gouldner described the norm of reciprocity in 1960: a near-universal expectation that help and kindness are returned over time. When it is broken repeatedly, people tend to feel used, even when they cannot say exactly why.
Think of your most draining friend. Which of these are true?
Think of the last time you needed that friend. What happened?
Take this with you
Friendship evens out over time. If it never does, you are not in a friendship, you are providing a service.