Your exit moves
Everyone who keeps people at a distance has a set of moves. Some are loud, some are nearly invisible. Today you name yours.
The quiet ways out
Some exits are obvious: ending it, ghosting, a blow-up. Most are quieter. Suddenly noticing how they chew. Replying a bit slower. Thinking about an ex who was "the one". Getting very busy. Keeping one part of your life walled off.
Other moves look like the opposite of leaving: picking a fight to see if they will fight for you, or being at your worst to test whether they stay. They feel different, but they do the same job. They keep things at a distance that feels manageable.
Amir Levine and Rachel Heller's book Attached lists common deactivating strategies, including focusing on small imperfections, idealising an ex ("the phantom ex"), and pulling away just when things are going well. Seeing them written down is often the moment people recognise their own.
Which of these do you do?
Pick your most-used move. What does it look like from the other person's side?
Try to describe it as they would, not as you would explain it.
Take this with you
Every exit move is a way of saying "not this close". There are clearer ways to say it.