Closeness in the body
Before the thought "I need to get out of this", there is usually a feeling in the body. Learning to catch that feeling gives you a few seconds of choice.
The edge of your window
Everyone has a range of feeling they can handle while staying present. When closeness pushes you past the top of that range, you may feel restless, trapped or irritable. Past the bottom, you may go numb, blank or suddenly tired.
Both are your nervous system saying "too much". Neither means the relationship is wrong. They mean you have reached the edge of your window, and the edge can be widened with practice.
The psychiatrist Dan Siegel called this the window of tolerance. It is widely used in trauma-informed therapy to explain why some people shut down or flare up when emotions run high, and why calming the body first is often the fastest way back.
What happens in your body when it gets too close?
Back inside the window
Put both feet on the floor. Breathe out slowly.
Your plan for the edge.
Your words
When I notice ____,
I'll know I'm at the edge of my window,
and I'll ____ instead of ____.
Take this with you
The body says "too much" before your mind says "get out". Listen to the body first.