The stories about needing people
Underneath the moves are a few beliefs about what happens when you let someone in. Today you catch one and test it.
The rules you did not know you had
Most people who keep others at arm's length are following rules they never chose. "Needing people is weak." "If they see the real me, they'll leave." "Sooner or later, everyone lets you down." "I'm too much, or not enough."
These rules made sense once. They were learned somewhere, usually early. The trouble is that they run automatically now, and they treat every new person as if they were the one who taught you the rule.
Aaron Beck's cognitive therapy distinguishes passing thoughts from core beliefs: deeper, older assumptions that shape how we read situations. Thought records are the standard way to bring a belief into the open and check it against the evidence.
Which of these feel true in your gut, even if you know they're not?
Take a recent moment when one of these beliefs was running, and pull it apart.
1. What happened
Facts only. Where, when, the words that were said.
2. What went through your head
The automatic thought, in the exact words it arrived in.
3. What actually supports it, and what does not
Both columns. Be a fair witness, not a prosecutor.
4. A more complete way to see it
Not positive thinking. Just a version that fits all the evidence.
Take this with you
An old rule can feel like a fact. It is still only a rule, and rules can be tested.