Their pattern, mapped
Distance that feels random usually is not. Today you look at when your partner pulls away, so you can see the shape of it.
When the distance comes
People who pull away in relationships tend to do it at predictable moments: after a lovely weekend, when the conversation turns serious, when you need something from them, when a big step is coming up.
That timing matters. If the distance follows closeness, it is probably less about you and more about how much closeness they can handle at once. That does not make it hurt less. It does make it easier not to take it as a verdict on you.
One important line before we start: distance is different from control. If your partner's withdrawal comes with threats, punishing silences meant to frighten you, or cruelty, that is not an attachment style, and this programme is not the right help.
Attachment researchers Mario Mikulincer and Phillip Shaver describe "deactivating strategies": ways people turn down closeness when it starts to feel like too much. They tend to fire after moments of intimacy, not before.
When does your partner usually pull away?
Describe the last time they went distant. What had happened just before?
Take this with you
If the distance follows closeness, it is about their limit, not your worth.