Facts, fears and stories
Every suspicion is a mix of three things: what happened, what you fear, and the story that joins them up. Today you pull them apart.
Three columns
A fact: they came home an hour late and did not say why. A fear: they are seeing someone. A story: the complete film in your head, with a name, a place and a plan.
The story feels most real because it is the most detailed. But detail is something your mind supplies, not something you observed. Pulling the three apart does not mean the fear is wrong. It means you can see what you actually know.
Thought records from Aaron Beck's cognitive therapy separate the situation from the automatic thought and the evidence. In suspicion, doing this on paper is one of the few ways to stop your mind presenting a guess as a memory.
Fact, fear or story? Tap each one, then tap where it goes.
Tap a card
Take your biggest worry and pull it apart.
1. What happened
Facts only. Where, when, the words that were said.
2. What went through your head
The automatic thought, in the exact words it arrived in.
3. What actually supports it, and what does not
Both columns. Be a fair witness, not a prosecutor.
4. A more complete way to see it
Not positive thinking. Just a version that fits all the evidence.
Take this with you
Only the facts are things you know. Keep them separate from the story.