Your type, mapped
Most people know they have a type. Fewer have ever written it down. Today you put the last few people side by side and look for the thread.
Three times is not bad luck
One difficult relationship can be bad luck. When the same story keeps repeating, the same fast start, the same slow fade, the same feeling of never quite being chosen, it is worth asking what the common factor is.
Before anything else, one thing needs saying clearly. Noticing a pattern is not the same as blaming yourself. People who lie, cheat, go cold or treat others badly are responsible for that, full stop. This programme is about the part that is yours to change: who you let in, how quickly, and what you tell yourself about the early signs.
That part is smaller than all of it, and it is also the only part you control. That is why it is worth four weeks.
Clinicians call this building a formulation: laying out a pattern across several situations so it can be seen as a whole. It is the first step in most structured therapies, because it is very hard to change something you only ever see one piece of at a time.
Think of the last three people you fell hard for. For each one, write a line on how it started and a line on how it ended. Initials are fine.
Looking at those three, what did they have in common?
If a close friend described these three people to you, what would you tell them you noticed?
Answer as the friend, not as yourself. It is usually much easier to be clear about someone else's life.
Take this with you
A pattern you can see is a pattern you can step out of.