Everything you have tried
You have probably tried a lot. Today you look honestly at what has worked, what has not, and what it has cost you.
If trying harder worked, it would have worked
People in your position are usually trying very hard. Being more understanding, more patient, more interesting, less needy. Explaining feelings more clearly. Giving ultimatums. Reading books about attachment.
Some of those things help. Many are more of the same, and more of the same tends to give more of the same. Listing what you have tried helps you stop repeating what does not work.
Family therapists at the Mental Research Institute in Palo Alto noticed in the 1970s that people often get stuck because their attempted solution keeps the problem going. Reviewing what has been tried is a standard first step in brief therapy.
List the things you have tried to get closer to your partner. Next to each, write: helped, made no difference, or made it worse.
What has all this trying cost you?
Take this with you
More of what has not worked will not start working. Something different might.